I suppose I shouldn't be as open as I was in the past on this thing. I'm thinking of starting to write in my paper journal again. That way, I can write whatever the hell I feel like without having to worry about the repercussions of what I say.

Why the sudden change of heart? Well, I was going to write something today, but I thought better of it, judging on how other people would react to what I say. Its not cool that I should have to censor myself. I need to be free to write how I feel and what I feel, when I feel it. In a paper journal I can do that.

I think I'm going to tear out the beginning pages of my paper journal from last year. Something is telling me that if anyone ever read what I said in those pages...mainly, one person in particular, it would hurt them a lot. However, I am still tied to those pages. They are a part of my history, but maybe its a good thing to "clean out your closet." The fact that I can part with them proves that I really have moved on. I can read them without crying, and that was the last frontier. But when it comes down to the wire, and its me holding a stack of journal paper at the mouth of the trash can, will I throw them in?

Probably not.

I have officially dubbed myself retarded. Why is it that I can't get more than an A- on music tests? Its music, people! Its a music appreciation course!

Stupid Haydn and Mozart trying to confuse me. At least Beethoven had the sense to be a little different. He didn't conform to what society wanted from him. He didn't sell out like you two. That is one of the reasons why he is my favorite composer! Mad props to you Beethoven....mad props to you.

Ok, not only am I retarded, but I am psycho as well. I'm talking to dead composers. I think I need a nap.

"We might make love/in some sacred place/ the look on your face/ is delicate. So why'd you fill my sorrow/ with the words you borrowed/ from the only place you've known/ and why'd you sing hallelujah/ if it means nothing to you/ why'd you sing with me at all." -Damien Rice, "Delicate"

One more...

""Stones taught me to fly/Love taught me to lie/Life taught me to die/So it's not hard to fall/When you float like a cannonball/Still a little bit of your song in my ear/Still a little bit of your words I long to hear/You step a little closer each day/ So close that I can't see what's going on" -Damien Rice, "Cannonball"

Sorry, but I had to. Damien Rice is like God. Ok, that was blasphemy, but oh well....I'm going to hell anyway.

I was going to say something philosophical today...but honestly, I don't feel like spouting the bullshit.

Cinnimon Toast Crunch...the taste you can see.

So I had a good day. My AP credits finally all transferred and I'm looking at 20 credits from AP. Two count towards core and the rest just give me extra credits, and the chance to register before everyone else in my grade level. Who knew AP English was actually going to be a good thing?

Speaking of registering I have to do that in two weeks. It gives me hope that this semester from hell is almost over (well halfway or so) and I can finally start taking my major classes. I just hope to be out of here by December of senior year. That can give me some more work time to save up for grad school and possibly something else. ;)

So who wrote a paper in two hours?...that would be me.

Who's tired as hell?...that would also be me.