"I envy them their public love. I myself have only known it in secret, shared it in secret and longed, aw longed to show it--to be able to say it out loud what they have no need to say at all: That I have loved only you, surrendered my whole self reckless to you and nobody else. That I want you to love me back and show it to me. That I love the way you hold me, how close you let me be to you. I like your fingers on and on, lifting, turning. I have watched your face for a long time now, and missed your eyes when you went away from me. Talking to you and hearing you answer--that's the kick.

But I can't say it aloud; I can't tell anyone that I have been waiting for this all my life and that being chosen to wait is the reason I can. If I were able I'd say it. Say make me, remake me. You are free to do it and I am free to let you because look, look. Look where your hands are. Now." -Jazz, Toni Morrison



This is and forever will be my favorite passage of any book--this conclusion to Toni Morrison's Jazz. Toni Morrison is a genius, and if you've read the book, and fully understand this passage you would know why.

She is my hero of the day.

Samson
Regina Spektor

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
The bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first , I loved you first
Beneath the stars came falling on our heads
But there just soft light, there just soft light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
He told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors and the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
and kissed me till the morning light, the morning light
and he kissed me till the morning light

Samson came back to bed
not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first



Ashley will be pleased to know that at this moment, this song is my favorite. I've been listening to it over and over, as if looking for the hidden meaning, which I figured out, but I'm still trying to grasp. Maybe no one understands that except me, but I do, and that's all that matters. Basically, its about the love between Samson and Delilah. Spektor takes a different take on the story, singing this song in the voice of Delilah, portrayed not as a harlot like in the Bible, but as a woman in love.

I wonder why I obsess over the prostitutes in the Bible, and the fact that they may or may not be prostitutes but portrayed that way. Its like the "Lost Feminine," theory. I'm constantly searching for it, I empathize with these women. No not sympathize, because I'm not a whore, but I empathize. I feel sorry that they are portrayed as whores, when maybe all they did was love too much. They got too involved, and men wrote the Bible, and these women had too much power for them to handle. That's all I have to say.

Tears.

I'm hormonal, what do you expect?

"I'm mad at the world and the world's mad at me." -Emme

Boy doesn't that just describe my day. I can't even get a good cry out cause I'm back at school. It seems like that's all I've been doing today is crying.

Its that feeling you get in your throat when you choke back a scream. You choke it back so hard it starts to hurt. Yeah, that's kind of like how it is.