Oh yeah....3.6, baby, what what? LOL :) Next semester it'll be 4.0 I promise. By the way, Rob O'Brien is my most favorite professor in the world.

"Wake me up and say/ Wake me up and say/ Call my name and save me from the dark/ Bid my blood to run/ Before I come undone/ Save me from the nothing I've become/ Bring me to life." -Evanescence

Yeah. So last night I went out with Ray, Phi, and Tony, and we went to the pool hall and shot some pool. Ray and I made a good team! LOL :) Ok, so we only won most of the time because Phi and Tony knocked the 8 ball in prematurely but hey, does it really matter? Anyway, afterwards we went to 7-11 and talked in the parking lot until 1:30 in the morning. It was really awesome to catch up with them after a whole semester of only reading their Xanga pages, rather than talking. I have to admit to my Xanga friends that I too am a Xangaholic. I read all of your blogs daily with my coffee. It's like my newspaper. Anyway I hope you all figured out that the link I put on the end of each entry is to this page, which is my real blog. If you didn't, you'll have to deal with my cryptic messages I put on my Xanga site.

I never realized how much I missed you guys until last night. I hope we can see each other during the break and hang out and catch up.

I'd like to thank Bethany Weed, my awesome roomate, for her delicious coffee she gave me for Christmas. It has been my lifesaver, and I love the yummy vanilla nut cream goodness with my breakfast every morning.

True story. Two summers ago I was sailing on a ship out of Baltimore's Inner Harbor, and there was this girl there who used to work on the ship, talking with her former co-workers. She was speaking of all the adventures she was having, and how she always tried to find an interesting and different job every year. At that point in time, she was working on a ranch in Colorado, and she was on her way to Mexico where her friend had a job waiting for her. She was dressed in a brown leather cowboy hat, and brown corduroy pants, and a light brown top. Her long blonde hair hung straight behind her ears. This girl, to my sixteen year old eyes, was the epitome of cool. I wanted to be her. I wanted to step inside her life for a minute and just have a taste of all the adventure she actually encountered.

She spoke of how she spent the past six months in Colorado, and the six months before that in Alaska. She worked in California for awhile before Alaska. She lived off of the charity of others, never knowing where her next job would be, or where she would lay her head down for the night. As she spoke, I realized that she was my hero. At liberty and free to do what she wanted and go where she wanted.

Last night, I thought about her for the first time since that summer. I wondered where she was at this very moment, and if I would ever join her in her quest for adventure.

When I Was A Boy
Dar Williams

I won't forget when Peter Pan came to my house, took my hand
I said I was a boy; I'm glad he didn't check.
I learned to fly, I learned to fight
I lived a whole life in one night
We saved each other's lives out on the pirate's deck.
And I remember that night
When I'm leaving a late night with some friends
And I hear somebody tell me it's not safe, someone should help me
I need to find a nice man to walk me home.
When I was a boy, I scared the pants off of my mom,
Climbed what I could climb upon
And I don't know how I survived,
I guess I knew the tricks that all boys knew.
And you can walk me home, but I was a boy, too.

I was a kid that you would like, just a small boy on her bike
Riding topless, yeah, I never cared who saw.
My neighbor come outside to say, "Get your shirt,"
I said "No way, it's the last time I'm not breaking any law."
And now I'm in a clothing store, and the sign says less is more
More that's tight means more to see, more for them, not more for me
That can't help me climb a tree in ten seconds flat

When I was a boy, see that picture? That was me
Grass-stained shirt and dusty knees
And I know things have gotta change,
They got pills to sell, they've got implants to put in, they've got implants to remove
But I am not forgetting
That I was a boy too

And like the woods where I would creep, it's a secret I can keep
Except when I'm tired, except when I'm being caught off guard
I've had a lonesome awful day, the conversation finds its way
To catching fire-flies out in the backyard.
And I tell the man I'm with about the other life I lived
And I say now you're top gun, I have lost and you have won
And he says, "Oh no, no, can't you see
When I was a girl, my mom and I we always talked
And I picked flowers everywhere that I walked.
And I could always cry, now even when I'm alone I seldom do
And I have lost some kindness
But I was a girl too.
And you were just like me, and I was just like you.


Ah that blessed innocence of youth. When there were no gender differences, and I was free to do whatever the fuck I wanted. Now I'm bound by the laws of propriety to be a "good little girl" and do what society tells me. Fuck society.

"But if you touch me like that/ And you hold me like this/ It's all coming back to me now..." -Celine Dion

You know its bad when I quote Celine Dion.

I saw a girl today who I haven't seen in awhile. I hated this girl in the past due to a massive fight she caused between me and my love interest at the time. For some reason, all those feelings of jealousy and hatred came back to me as she walked into choir practice. She's married now with a baby boy, and is it wrong that I didn't care? That I was still angry and jealous after all of these years?

Jesus Christ, what has become of me? Honestly, I should feel happy for her, because I am so over everything in the past, but my feelings told me today that I really am not. She was the one in the wrong, why is it she who has the happy life now, and I have nothing? Will I ever be over it? I don't know. All I know is that I really hate Christmas.

In an attempt to satisfy my two-week craving for spaghetti and meatballs, I made meatballs and sauce tonight, and found that we had no spaghetti in my house. So I substituted spaghetti with egg noodles. Its not so bad, however, I would have preferred spaghetti and not mix my Italian with my Chinese. I think next time, I'll hold out for spaghetti.

So why have my latest entries been all about food? Its kind of scary now that I look at it. For those of you who haven't seen me in awhile, I really haven't gained any weight despite my constant talk of food. Just to make sure you all don't think I can rival Santa Claus this year with my waistline.

I realized I truly am a geek, as I found myself knitting a scarf and watching the history channel...and actually enjoying it.