Joshua T. Brown has called me the "e-mail whore." Maybe I am. In the meantime, I would like to dedicate my blog today to him. Joshua T. Brown is one of my very good friends. He is the whitest black man I know. He's going to Vassar next year where clothing is optional, and I am visiting him for that very reason. Josh is sarcastic as hell, but I love him dearly for it.

I've noticed I tend to drift towards the jaded and sarcastic people in this world....hmmm, I wonder why?

Well last night was interesting to say the least. I went to an honors convocation at the cathedral for the top 2% of every high school in the archdiocese. Let me tell you, there were so many better things I could have been doing with my time. We sat and had an hour long mass because the Cardinal talks forever, and then we had to sit through the receiving of certificates and a half hour speech by this lady. She was very redundant, and her speech was littered with cliche's. A half an hour of that is pure torture. Luckily, our sense of humor couldn't get by us, as Monica, Tarah, Noreen, and I all sang the church songs at the top of our lungs as much off key as we could possibly get. A fun time was had by all.

Today I have off for senior retreat day because I have gone on enough retreats in my four years at my school. I was waived the retreat this year so I have a free day off. Its not much of a day off as I have to get ready for my sister's 16th b-day party tonight, and I need to write two papers for religion in order to graduate. Way to go Catholic schools! I leave you with that, today.

At the moment, I am in my first period, comtemplating why I chose to write a novel. As a part of project for the last two weeks of AP Eng Lang., I have to research writing techniques, and try and find my own voice in my novel. So far, I blatantly plagiarized the voice of the author of Speak . She did give me inspiration, but I took that inspiration too far in the outright copying of her style of writing. According to the advice of my new best friends (the kind writers at writingfix.com), I made one of the most common beginner's sins. I need to forgive myself, and move on. So, "Bless me father, for I have sinned..." Ok, I'm over it. Now, I have to start from scratch with my idea, and find a new direction.

Somewhere between the many bells and different classrooms and teachers and AP classes and newspaper meetings and 4th periods spent in band class, I realized that this was it. This was high school. Filled with drama, laughter, and tears, its not at all like the ideal "Saved By the Bell" vision I thought it would be.

When I realized this fact, that high school was not like "Saved By the Bell," I locked myself in my room and cried for days. Ok, not really. In reality, I was a little disappointed, but I moved on. High school is so much better than "Saved By the Bell," yet at the same time, so much worse.

What's better about high school is that the life-long friends you make don't leave you for a commercial break, or at the end of the show. They are there for you whenever you need them, even at those moments at 3 a.m. when you've just had your heartbroken into millions of little pieces. As for teachers, most don't make just a cameo appearance. They become your mentors, and the people (as much as you hate to admit it) who you look up to for guidance. They are the Mr. Beldings of the world.

In many ways, high school is so much worse than "Saved By the Bell." The show doesn't always end with corny, sappy music playing in the background, and everyone learns a lesson. When bad things happen, they don't end in a half hour. They last for weeks, months, and even years. Tarah made an excellent point in her Prelate article this issue. In just our country's history alone, we've been through so much these past four years. We walk out of high school into a world, that is so much different than the world we saw when we walked in.

So, high school is not a TV show. It is real. The emotions you feel are real, and most importantly the people you meet are real. These people come and go in four years, or they may stay for a lifetime. They are a part of your life's experience and they define high school for what it is. Its all about the people.

Silence....

It's a deafening sound, when you are alone in a room, with nothing but your thoughts playing through your head at 1000 miles per hour. My mind always races and I don't know why. My Indian path books tell me its because I have a lot of internal chatter I need to get rid of. Well, I've tried to get rid of it....but it never works for long. It normally lasts for a week and then it returns with vengeance to haunt my ass. I know I know....I noticed I talk about myself a lot on this thing. Obviously, you are interested if you keep returning to read this damn thing. Jeff, come on, I know you really do care, no matter how much you bust my nonexistant balls. Anyway, that's what this is for....it's all about me. If you want it to be about you...then write your own. I've said my share...

In the meantime, Happy Mothers Day! :)