Sometimes I feel as if I'm not really here. As if I'm just a luminous spirit floating above a sea of different hearts and minds and agendas. Somewhere down the line I noticed this out of body experience was my only way to view the world--detached, unconnected, and completely pure.
I wish, whenever I enter a room full of strangers that I could just stay in the presence of their company, and that alone. But they always ask for my story. I wish I had none to tell. However, we all have a story to tell, secrets locked within our very souls that beg to be kept hidden; beg never to see the light of day. Instead we dig them out when prompted or coaxed, and our secrets scream to be left alone. We never seem to listen.
My own secret cannot be kept hidden. It is in my eyes, and in the blank glassy stare I'm told I constantly give to the world.
I am blind....but aren't we all?

KATE HUDSON IS HAVING A BABY! :) This is so awesome. Anyway, for fear people will start to think I am a stalker I will leave it at a happy congratulations to her and her husband.

I wrote a song today and recorded my other ones. That's all that is new.

"People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away/Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me/When I tell them that I'm doing fine watching shadows on the wall/Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball/I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round/I really love to watch them roll/No longer riding on the merry-go-round/I just had to let it go/Ah, people asking questions lost in confusion/Well I tell them there's no problem, only solutions/Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind/I tell them there's no hurry/I'm just sitting here doing time..." -John Lennon, Watching the Wheels

John Lennon is the man. He knows what he is talking about, even if I don't have a clue. Ok, not really. I completely understand what he is saying. Anyway, that is my favorite John Lennon song. Today was a boring day. I woke up at noon, and missed Kate Hudson on the View. I was pretty pissed off because my sister was supposed to wake me up for it. I love Kate Hudson...I wish I was her. So I wrote a song today. Not about my love for Kate Hudson, but something that just inspired me while I was in the shower. However, by the time I got to my guitar, all I had was a catch phrase to start it off with, and no substance. So, I tried to form a substance, but failed miserably. The song will be burned.

I realize I am my harshest critic when it comes to my songs. I tear them apart until there is not even a base anymore. I need to learn to step back and view them from a detached standpoint. This will never happen because I am far too attached to my music to just let it slip away from me. My songs are my secrets, and the only thing that keeps me alive. Not many people have heard my songs...in fact as of late, no one has heard them. The songs I play for people have been destroyed because they are not good enough for me. Someday I will share the good ones, but for now, I just make my simple recordings and save them for myself.

Haha...there must be some cosmic joke out there on me that I am not aware of. Would someone please clue me in to what it is? I'm getting sick of the games. I have one thing to say and one thing to say only and that is what I told my friend today:
nativeangel3: yeah nah i'm not that slutty....only with guys i've known at least a week

And that's all I have to say about that.

Sleep.....excellent. I love sleep. It has to be my favorite hobby in the world. Anyway, isn't it a wonderful day? Not even hot enough for air conditioning. Tonight I'm supposed to go to my friend's boyfriend's basketball game. Should be a rockin good time. (I reaize I say this catch phrase a lot lately...it too will pass, I promise.) There's no one to talk to right now online, so therefore I am incredibly bored. I started to read Lovely Bones today by Alice Sebold. Interesting book....kind of freaky, but still interesting. It kills me to read good books. I wish I could write like that. All my life I've held this dream to be a writer, yet I never have the inspiration or the drive. Senior year AP English kind of forced those aspirations out of me again. I know one thing, I want to minor in journalism in college. Definitely not major in it, because by far, it is too competitive for me, but still I could do some freelance pieces occasionally.

Apparently Mormon crickets are invading the west. So for all my dear readers out there who are planning a trip out there...be warned. They will get you.