"But I'm not the girl you once put your faith in/ Just someone who looks like me...So better take the keys and drive forever/Staying won't put these futures back together/ All the perfect drugs and superheroes/Wouldn't be enough to bring me up to zero." -Aimee Mann


I stare at myself in the mirror and I think, “What happened to the little girl I used to know?” I know the answer to that question. She died in high school, when I found out that people don’t always have true intentions. She died when I learned that he didn’t love me. She died when I lost it: the mental institution, the drugs, the sex, the rock and roll.

Her face is still there, though hardened by the cynical teenage years. Her eyes are still brown, but behind them, there is a frozen glare waiting to thaw. All that passes through her brain are the neurons and chemical reactions, from all the fucked up drugs they force her to take. Zoloft for her depression, Trazadone to help her sleep, and the self-prescribed valium she buys off the guy at the corner. It helps the pain go away.

What would you do if this is who I am? This strung out junkie on so many pills and pain killers, who hides behind a “normal” teenage façade? You would never know. Check behind the eyes next time.

My room is decorated for Christmas, complete with a Christmas tree and a manger scene on our TV. At first, I was a little weirded out by my roomates' premature Christmas spirit, but its catching. I found myself going home and bringing back Christmas cds to play. I know its not even Thanksgiving yet, but on Friday some of the girls and I are going shopping downtown for Christmas already. Crazy huh? I think we all need something to look forward to, and that is why we are doing this.

I have a test in 25 minutes on Acoustics, a class I very rarely go to. Wish me luck...I'll need it.

"Never was and never will be/ You don't know how you've betrayed me/ Somehow you've got everybody fooled." -Evanescence

Gotta love Anthro. Last night we got free flavored lube, and condoms--flavored and non-flavored. It was all part of a safe sex demonstration, that also culminated into a demonstration on how heroin users shoot up. So, after class, the kids on my floor filled up our condoms with water and had a water balloon fight. Don't you love college? It's great.

Ok, so I'm not in Phoenix. I am still in Philly, at Temple University, and currently eating my delicious breakfast of hash browns, and a bacon and egg sandwich. So what prompted my sudden decision to leave? Lots of things that I really would not wish to share. However, many thanks to Tbone Salad for being the bestest best friend in the world, and who told me that if I told her where I was, she would never tell anyone if I didn't want her to. Muah <3

MMM Pumkin Spice cappucino...so good, so fine, I got you!