"'Cause if I find/If I find my own way/How much will I find/If I find/If I find my own way/How much will I find you/ I don't know anymore/What it's for/I'm not even sure/If there is anyone who is in the sun/Will you help me to understand/'Cause I've been caught in between all I wish for and all I need/Maybe you're not even sure what it's for/Any more than me /May God's love be with you, always/May God's love be with you" -Peter Gabriel

It seems like there is no one in the sun right now. The past week I've been dealing with this on my own, because no one else seems to be there right now. I'm starting to believe the existentialist view of, "you're born into this world alone, and you will die alone."

She is 48. She has three kids. She had something that if caught earlier could have prolonged her life. Why did she die? WHY?!

I remember her driving me to school when I was little, and giving me peppermints. I could say things to her that I couldn't tell my mom. I played with her son, because he was my age, and I wished her daughter was my older sister. Later, when I walked home from Dougherty and saw her, I would wave. She made me feel safe, knowing she was there making sure I walked home safe. She made me feel safe.

People from our childhood are not supposed to die. They are supposed to live forever.

Not a good night.

You know what I do best? I scream at walls. Yeah, whenever I feel particularly lonely or frustrated, I scream at them. They don't interupt, or answer back--they just let me vent my frustration.

I'm cold.