I have a lot on my mind these days. Everything's changing, and there is a lot that they expect from me, and honestly, I don't feel like I have the energy to live up to their standards. GRE's are scheduled supposedly for the end of August, yet I haven't even cracked open my books yet. I need a car by the middle of August because I start running my sites then. Next year will be a whirlwind of sending out applications to grad school, running forty autistic kids for my study on joint attention, and not to mention, writing the forty page thesis on said study, and presenting it at various forums in the spring. Thousands of questions are going through my mind, such as, what if I have to go away to do what I want? I don't want to go away. David and Tara (my bosses), keep telling me I should go away and see other places, and I should travel for school, but I don't want to. Besides the best possible program for what I want to do is here at Temple. Its just getting into it is the issue.
Do I even live up to Dr. Hineline's standards? Behaviorist language is still beyond me. I eeked by with a B+ last semester, but I know he wants me to get an A. I've never worked so hard to understand something in all my life. Normally, school comes easy for me, and music was a breeze. This field of study is not so easy. This makes me think, is it right for me? If its so hard, am I supposed to be in this field? Or is it because its so hard, and I am working at it like nothing I have done before, that this is truly the right thing for me? People tell me that because it is hard, when I do succeed, I will feel more accomplished. Its the succeeding part that I haven't gotten to yet, and I am wondering if it will ever come.
People around me are growing up fast, and I don't feel as if I am ready to be that grown up. In August I will be 21, but I feel and look like I am still 18. How many times do I get in the elevator at work..."I can't believe you are graduating, you look like a freshman." Yeah, thanks people, I've realized this.
Whatever, I'm just rambling I suppose.
Do I even live up to Dr. Hineline's standards? Behaviorist language is still beyond me. I eeked by with a B+ last semester, but I know he wants me to get an A. I've never worked so hard to understand something in all my life. Normally, school comes easy for me, and music was a breeze. This field of study is not so easy. This makes me think, is it right for me? If its so hard, am I supposed to be in this field? Or is it because its so hard, and I am working at it like nothing I have done before, that this is truly the right thing for me? People tell me that because it is hard, when I do succeed, I will feel more accomplished. Its the succeeding part that I haven't gotten to yet, and I am wondering if it will ever come.
People around me are growing up fast, and I don't feel as if I am ready to be that grown up. In August I will be 21, but I feel and look like I am still 18. How many times do I get in the elevator at work..."I can't believe you are graduating, you look like a freshman." Yeah, thanks people, I've realized this.
Whatever, I'm just rambling I suppose.